I am also writing in exile. Exile from my country that does not exist

I am also writing in exile. Exile from my country that does not exist

my English grammar is perfect, but my worldview is a mess

my English grammar is perfect, but my worldview is a mess

The Cafe (transcribed)

The cafe displays fake posters of a real revolution and some old books from the xxxxxx Foreign Language Press as if, like most cafes, only for display and not meant to be read. But when this cafe, which seems to be another cafe for hipsters' and designers' ahistorical nostalgia, is closed, the books are removed from the shelves and read. From the outside, we noticed that the lighting is much brighter when the cafe is closed fro the day. But this cafe is not a bar or club. ***** We discussed how poster designs degenerated in that country during the 80s. ***** '...but this is not an issue about the intrinsic quality of the English language itself. Just as much as I dislike the fake accents I heard on this humid island, I abhor the tone of the colloquial English here which is only a parody of slangs. Especially its vocative expressions, especially when I hear it from kids, and thought about the future of this island they called a cuntry. This republic of silence has been mocked by her intelligent and educated citizens for not voicing out. But for me, an inhabitant not as intelligent or educated like them, the problem with this republic of silence is not because it is silent, but that it is not quiet enough. We should not express ourselves too much if we do not have a language of our own.***** During the meeting, the teachers were joking about the students who mispronounced the word 'memoir', the condescending discussion of how unforgivable it was. but it is quite normal, most of the time, I have heard insincere laments about the quality of the students, and the students about the teachers. What is the point of proper pronunciation, diction and grammar for English. English is a bastard language, and 'memoir' is a borrowed term. And we are no less another kind of ideological bastards suffering from colonial hangover. To speak 'proper' English, to write when my English grammar is perfect, but my ideology is a mess (it is a mess if you think ideology only refers to communism or nazism or islam fundamentalism). I hear the echoes of the word 'imperial' in the guise of global - and the misused 'international'. This imperial language, 'my English grammar is perfect, but my worldview is a mess'. The real joke is the that English is the first language here, the myth that it is universal... and the problem of foreigners from the third world who don't use this lanaguage. When your grandfather is sodomised, and grandmother was gang raped your language becomes a dialect. The antithetical gesture of retaining the syntax, and some Asian dimunitive interjections is the greatest parody. No James Joyce will emerge, those who started learning Thai aren't Samuel Beckett who wrote in French. There is no Dante to poeticise a vulgar tongue, or turning it into a national language. The native writers are fortunate. They can return to admire Malaysia or adopt Indonesia. The others would usually despise their origins. They hate the new immigrants or foreign labourers because they are like the ghosts of their forefathers who have returned to do more or less the same kind of labour, occupying the same social positions. We have tried so hard to change our accent and language through education, and adopting another religion with fake Michael Jackson as pastor, we encountered these 'cousins' we do not want to acknowledge, who returned to smear our social status and expose our origins. According to a writer of another once colonised continent, literary tradition is the muse, and literature is a tone of voice, but this island has neither. The local writers and national librarians will disagree. But when we vacilliate between fake accents and parodic colloquialisms, I repeat, we have neither. But I do not write to peddle them this idea. What's the point of writing properly when you are not reading properly or confined to anglo-american literature. It is not even a matter of method but the content your ideology draws you towards. A PhD research with the conclusion that it is fine since language is basically meant for communication disappoints the hope I had for the conversation. It is not the problem of grammar deteriorating in the recent years - but why is it a problem. A problem for who? Who does it serve? For your master to understand you? Or to write about your anglicised asian tongue and Singlish when you are living in New York because you are so witty? ***** We never disagree that this country is a parody.***** I am also writing in exile. Exile from my country that does not exist.***** I was consoled when you told me about Malayan English. But Malaya does not exist anymore. My grandfather is not a Malayan, I was born too late to be considered one, and have no wish to become one. I do not need these petty alternatives. I am Han, who was once an imperialist too, and will return as an imperialist again.'

Endangered Predators - Cassius Song

'Stop eating Shark's fin' - or 'finished with fin'
- contra, incidental, on individuals harmed by sharks.
- thought about all the endangered predators, i.e., bears, tigers... in this age. the emergence of our sympathy for these fierce predators..
- predators used to consumed, we want to save ourselves from them, from the encounter.
- the power of  late capitalism, the apex of consumerism is that the absolute consumers (predators) are being consumed as well, preying on predators, the predators are preys themselves,
- an image of a shark, the open jaws of tiger, whatever, open to swallow itself.

Cassius Song - Instruction # 9 - of films I did not understand

One year of watching films I have seen, when I was a child, but did not understand, but fail to comprehend, once again.

Instruction#7 - Names - Cassius Song

1. Watch the drama series China 1921 (2011)
The alias Mao Renzi echoing from comrades, lovers and teachers, from Yang Kaihui, Li Dazhao, Chen Duxiu...
2. Read some novels by Ricardo Piglia, remember the protagonist Emilio Renzi, remember Piglia is Ricardo Emilio Piglia Renzi
3. Read Bruno Bosteels 'Ricardo Piglia''s Homage to Roberto Arlt: In the Shadow of Mao'
4. Think about the question: What is your real name?
5. Answer: Which one are you refering to? I have many real names but one assumed name.

Instruction #8 - A Serious Man - Cassius Song

1. A Serious Man could be either a man serious about the subject or a man serious about himself being serious about the subject - in short, takes himself too seriously.
2. The former's devotion and dedication would progress (and at times, charm and impress the others, if not resulting in a form of superior madness) while the latter has the tendency of overshadowing the seriousness of the subject with his/her serious posture, resulting in grand, noble proclamnation: sanctimonious with base introspective self-pitying, slavish ressentiment.
3. The latter cultivates egocentricity and self-righteousness while the former cultivates doubts, self-denial, sefl-criticism and humility.
4. Qn: Is Raskolnikov the former or the latter?

Instruction #2 - War and Peace - Cassius Song

Try to finish War and Peace
during military service, prison, asylum or exile.
Go to a rich kid's or art collector's party.
For a lack of better things to say to the anyone there,
be stupid enough to speak to a Pan-Asian part-time model,
while her club DJ boyfriend is spinning: raising one hand and moving his hips.
ask if she has heard of War and Peace.
If she were to ask, what's that?
Tell her it is a video game you like to play.
Forgive her for not knowing who is Leo or Tolstoy
at least she now has a boy who was previously an older woman's toy.

List #6: Eyelessness - Cassius Song

Read
Techniques of the Observer - Jonathan Crary
Read
Downcast Eyes - Martin Jay
Watch the opening of
An Andalusian Dog - Luis Brunel
Laugh when watching
Eyes wide shut - Stankey Kubrick
Read
Story of the Eye - Georges Bataille
Think about the stupid name City of Light
lastly,
Listen to
Eyeless - Slipknot

List #5: Children - Cassius Song

Read
The Ogre - Michel Tournier
Then read about
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
Watch
Dogville - Lars Von Trier
Walk past
a kindergarten or childcare centre
Listen again to
Heal the world - Michael Jackson
and puke if you want to

List #4: Eternal Recurrence - Cassius Song

Watch
Last Year in Marienbad - Alain Resnais
Read
Pierre Menard - Jorge Luis Borges
Read
Organs without Bodies - Slavoj Zizek
to know the diffrence between return and repetition
Read
page 447 - 50 of The Savage Detectives - Roberto Bolano
Stop thinking about death or finitude

List #3: This is not a List - Cassius Song

Look at
The Treason of Images - Rene Magritte
then read
This is Not A Pipe - Michel Foucalut
while listening to
Strange Fruit or David - The Wave Pictures
Stop complaining it is complex or hard to understand

st #2: Postal Service - Cassius Song

Watch
Il Postino - Michael Radford
(try to fall asleep or to not cry)
then read
Post Office Charles Bukowski
then read
the story about the female letter carrier with a writer boyfriend in The Savage Detectives - Roberto Bolano
one week later
say, fuck it
and read burn all the letters you have received,
keep the bills and bank statements.

List #1: Young Boy and Cinema - Cassius Song

Watch
Cinema Paradiso - Giuseppe Tornatore (with popcorn)
then
Peeping Tom - Michael Powell (without popcorn)
in succession
Duration: 256 min approx.
Think twice about saying you are a filmmaker.